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Try (Songfic)
"when one mistake changes everything." TRY // TURN BACK TIME // OVER AGAIN oa: colbie caillat by firey Put your make up on Get your nails done I wash the blood off my paws in a nearby stream. I'm shaking. I finally get it all off and it takes all my energy not to tumble into the stream itself and let it just sweep me away. Away from everything that's happened. Everything I've done. It wasn't supposed to happen like this, I think. But it happened. I dig my paw into the mud next to the riverbed and begin plastering it on my golden pelt to hide the color. I couldn't walk around looking as gorgeous as I could. As much as the society demanded beauty, I couldn't stay here. Not after what I've done. Deminishing my beauty would give me a one-way exit to the outside. Where rumored dangers would lurk. But I would take the outside world than live here with my consequences, knowing they would catch me. And I would pay dearly for it. Curl your hair Run the extra mile When the mud is successfully plastered on my pelt, I begin the long trek to the edge of the borders. There are already guards roaming everywhere, obviously looking for a gorgeous young little she-cat who has blood on her paws. They won't find me. I promised my little sister I would leave long before they caught me. Her tear-stained face is the last thing I remember before I had stumbled away, trying to find somewhere safe. Somewhere to erase the evidence and leave before the rest of the world comes tumbling done. Only a hero would turn around and confess his crimes to the higher powers. He would tell them what he did and admit defeat. He would get a fair sentence and sit it out in prison until his time is up. But cowards... I'm a coward. I can't face the look on my sister's face when she saw the blood on my paws, the body next to me. The shattered look is all I can take. Even if I sat out my sentence, who would want me? I would be an outcast, a criminal. I can't live like that. Just keep running, I remind myself, go far, far away where you can't hurt anybody. Keep it slim So they like you. Do they like you? True to my plan. the guards don't hesitate to herd me outside, telling me only the best can stay in the society. "Pretty yourself up and maybe you can stay within the boundaries," one sneers, "if not, you better hope nothing finds you out there." I was pretty once. Without the nasty scar running down my flank and the mud smeared over my golden pelt, I would be beautiful. I would be the same aristocratic she-cat who roamed the high streets as a highly respected she-cat. I would be the same she-cat who raised her little sister to be the best she could be, who loved and cared for her family. All of that died just a few hours ago. Last night. Turned to ash by my foolish mistakes. The guards shove me outside. They close the bramble gate and I stare at it for a moment longer, wondering if this was all worth it. To run away so I could be free. To run away so the crime would never land on my little shoulders. I'm a coward. But I had to find someone who would love me and not care what happened back here. Who wouldn't mind if he knew what horrors happened to this eighteen moon old she-cat. There had to be someone out there. He doesn't have to know what happened. He'll like me the way I am right now. Won't he? Get your sexy on Don't be shy, girl I wash the mud off my pelt and treat my wound. After tightening the cobwebs around it, I set off. I can't stay around here after sunset, that's when the rumored horrors come out. Cats who were desperate to get in, cats who want a new chance at life. The sun has just risen and I've made good progress by the time the day ends. I settle down on my own and fall asleep almost immediately. I try not to think about all that has happened since I left the brambled barriers of a society meant for the best and the fittest. That wasn't who Aleya was anymore. Morning came and I kept going. After only two days of travelling, I stumble across something I would never imagine happening. A tom stares back at me, his yellow eyes glowing in the sunrise. "What are you doing on FlameClan territory?" He asks me, looking puzzled but slightly hostile. "I'm Aleya," I decide to say, "I need a home." The tom seems at a loss for words. "A home?" He repeats, "Where did you come from?" I flinch. The tom notices immediately. "Oh, do you need a home because something happened back at your old home?" He sounds so sympathetic that I jerk my head up and down to indicate a nod. "I'll take you to Dawnstar. She'll decide what to do." Take it off This is what you want, to belong Dawnstar's eyes rake over me. Her amber eyes mixed with her stern expression makes me want to back down. But I stare right back at her, unable to glance away. "Sootshadow," Dawnstar says slowly, "Why have you brought a rogue into the Clan?" A rogue. Fitting for what I've done. Sootshadow - the tom - bows his head. "She needs a home, Dawnstar, I merely offered her a chance to live a life of a warrior." A warrior? I was definitely not a warrior. The cream colored, majestic she-cat towers over me. "If she proves herself, I will allow her to stay," she says decisively, "Sootshadow, you are in charge of her." She glances at me, "What is your name, she-cat?" "Aleya." "Welcome to FlameClan for now, Aleya. I hope you enjoy your time here, no matter how short it is." She flicks her tail in an obvious dismissal of both of us. When we're out of the den, Sootshadow lets out a sigh before glancing at me. "Aleya, I'll show you to my den. It's the warriors' den. There's some extra moss in the back so we can make a nest next to mine for you to sleep in while you're here." "You don't think I'll stay," I say, a bitter taste in my mouth. What was I expecting? A welcoming committee who wouldn't care if I could contribute or not? Each society had a rule, I knew that much. My last home had required having status or else you were kicked out. This one required...whatever a warrior meant to them. "I'm not sure," Sootshadow counters, "Dawnstar is not a leniant she-cat." I don't know what to say at first. "What will it take?" I say finally, "What do I have to do?" "Training...and well, you'll have to eventually tell us your background. Dawnstar needs to be able to trust you before you can join FlameClan. That's pretty much it." Your background. A chill runs down my spine at that thought. So they like you. Do you like you? You don't have to try so hard You don't have to give it all away The apprentices and the kits seem to really like me. Pretty much all the younger cats, the naive ones think I'm worth being around. The only adult cat who hung around me was Sootshadow, but he was pretty much entitled to make sure I followed all the Clan rules. I'm playing with three kits - the only three kits of the Clan actually. One was playing with my tail while one of them clambered up my back. The last was dozing. She must have fallen asleep while I was telling my story. "Aleya," little Rabbitkit tugged on my tail, "what's it like living somewhere else?" "It felt like home," I glanced down at him, "What else could it feel like?" He wrinkled his nose. "This is home." I frown at him but Ashkit distracts me by yanking on me from where she clung. "Yes, Ashkit?" I ask, patiently, trying to act like one of them. One of the Clan cats. "Are you staying here forever?" I pause at that. I can feel Sootshadow's eyes on me, warning me not to get the kits' hopes up. "I'll try to," I nose Rabbitkit gently away from my tail, "but I don't know if I can." "If you did stay," Ashkit hops off my back, "would you keep your old identity or would you throw that all away for FlameClan?" Again, I hesitate. I've never thought about getting a Clan name, mostly because Sootshadow had drilled it in my head that I might not even stay long enough to become a real warrior. "I don't think so," I confess, "I like my name. It reminds me of where I came from." You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up You don't have to change a single thing I strolled through the streets, making sure my fur was groomed down. "Aleya!" A tom with an impish grin called to me, "You want to hang out for the afternoon? I have leftover time from selling. I could use a paw with gathering more flowers and stones for tomorrow's sales." "Sure," I smiled at the tom, "I'd be glad to, Ivan." He purred and pretended to loop his tail through mine. "Lead the way, princess." "I'm no princess," I rolled my eyes, "I'm just ordinary, like you." "Not to me," Ivan shot me his signature smile, "You don't have to change anything to be a princess to me. You're absolutely perfect." I didn't even notice that we were in a secluded area, away from the prying eyes of the other cats in the society. Ivan drew closer and I could feel the beat of his heart. "You're perfect, Aleya." I had no response to that. I couldn't think of a proper way to tell Ivan that he was perfect too. Finally I managed to blurt out. "I love you." Ivan's smile was blinding. "Do you really?" I nodded in a hurried fashion. "You're my best friend but I think we're more than that, right?" Ivan leaned so close I could feel his breath on my cheek. "We're definitely more than that," he agreed, so softly I almost didn't hear him, "we're much more than that." You don't have to try, try, try, try-i-i You don't have to try, try, try, try-i-i You don't have to try, try, try, try-i-i "Aleya has a new boyfriend! Aleya has a new boyfriend!" Crystal skipped around the spacious den while I glared at her. "Stop it," I scolded my younger sister, "Ivan will be here any minute and we're not going to discuss my personal life, all right?" "Don't worry," Crystal grinned, "I won't embarrass your boyfriend." I rolled my eyes at her and she jumped away from a smack from my paw. "Tsk, tsk," an amused voice sounded behind me, "a proper lady does not kick her servants, nevertheless her siblings." I turned slightly, my cheeks rosy with embarrassment. "Hey Ivan." He was standing just at the entrance of the den, his crooked grin set in place, his eyes twinkling in obvious amusement. "A proper lady?" I snorted, "That's a new...high." Ivan stepped into the den, his green eyes sparkling. "Life is full of highs and lows after all," he pointed out and for a moment I could see the twinge of sadness in his eyes. It was only logical; he came from a penurious family and managed to escape it by coming here. But that had meant leaving the rest of his family and from the way his father had treated him, Ivan had no choice but to come here. Crystal smothered a smile and headed over to her nest and plopped herself down. She pretended to be fast asleep and I decided to ignore her. This was a time where I didn't have to try to be a perfect she-cat: I was one around Ivan. You don't have to try Yoooou don't have to try Ooooo, oooooo, oooooo... Ivan was a relief to me. He made me laugh like there would be no night tomorrow, and sometimes cry like the sun would never come out again. We shared memories of our past lives (which produced tears when I heard Ivan's story). It turned out Ivan came from a bucolic area, with no real connection to society around him. He found this tightly sealed society by mistake and proved himself to be worthy of taking a spot among us. "Aleya," Ivan was saying, "you don't have to cry over that." I wiped away my tears. "I'm sorry, I just think it's incredible that you found this place at all. It's even more astonishing that they let you in, considering your backgrounds." I blushed, "No offense." "None taken," Ivan leaned back, his green eyes focusing on the top of the den, "is it really that extraordinary?" "Yeah, most of the cats are born into the society instead of taken in. The only reason the population isn't high here because most get kicked out once they're not useful anymore." Ivan shifted uneasily. "You ever think about getting kicked out?" "No," I said truthfully, "I've always just assumed my family reputation is enough to keep me here." I trailed off, realizing how obnoxious I sounded. "Do you?" "All the time," Ivan whispered, "I think that one day I'll wake up and they're dragging me outside to the border where they'll throw me out the bramble walls and trap me out there forever. It's strange because in a sense we're trapped here, but it's supposed to be safe here. There's prey, there's water...protection..." I glanced at him, "What awaits you out there?" "Death. Isn't that why everyone wants to stay here?" But death didn't await him outside. It awaited him here. Get your shopping on, At the mall, "Aleya," Sootshadow's voice shakes me from my stupor. "did you hear anything I said?" I flush slightly. Sootshadow had been introducing me to his sister, Blacklily. She was pure black, with glittering blue eyes, but other than the looks, they are disparate cats. She is softer and kinder, while Sootshadow holds some sort of bravado and is certainly louder. "That's a no, I guess," Sootshadow rolls his eyes, though he looks amused, "Blacklily wanted to know where you came from." I tense slightly, but try to relax. It is just Sootshadow and his overly friendly sister, nobody who would treat me unfairly I hope. "Just outside of your borders I guess," I shrug, "I'm not too sure where exactly it was." "Were you with a group?" Blacklily tips her head. She's pretty, I note, while Sootshadow is sort of rugged but handsome. "Kind of," I frown, trying to recall if there was any name to it. There isn't one that I can think of. "It was more like a society where cats could live together." "Why leave?" Sootshadow interrupts Blacklily's next flow of questions, "If you were safe in a society, why leave and venture out somewhere unknown to you?" When his sister nudges him with a fierce expression, Sootshadow shrugs, "What? I'd never leave the Clan without knowing what I'm getting into." "I couldn't stay there," I'm shaking a bit, but I try to hold my panic down, "it was...too dangerous." Sootshadow's yellow eyes are sympathetic and I look away. Blacklily murmurs something and excuses herself. I don't glance up. A tail drapes over my shoulder and I look over in surprise to see Sootshadow's tail. "I'm sorry for pushing you to tell me what happened," he says softly, "every cat has a past, and sometimes one past is difficult to remember or relive." You don't even know the whole story. Max your credit cards You don't have to choose, "Let's go hunting," Sootshadow breaks the silence, "the fresh-kill pile needs stocking anyway." I murmur my agreement and follow him outside. I feel awkward, but I know Sootshadow is going out of his way just to make me feel comfortable until Dawnstar decides it's time for me to prove that I'm innocent but baring my past story. Was Blacklily preparing me for that? I've only been outside the camp once since I've been taken into the Clan. Sootshadow had given me a tour of the camp the first day I had come in. This is my first real time outside on a mission to help FlameClan to prove I'm worth making a warrior. He leads me a distance away from camp and goes right to hunting. I wordlessly joining him and manage to catch a couple mice before Sootshadow nudges me. "There's something I actually wanted to show you." I blink and flick my tail, "Where is it?" "It's just a bit farther from here," Sootshadow bends down and picks up his prey; I do the same. He leads me deeper into the forest. Buy it all So they like you. Do they like you? Wait a second, Why should you care, what they think of you When you're all alone, by yourself Do you like you? Do you like you? You don't have to try so hard You don't have to give it all away You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up You don't have to change a single thing You don't have to try so hard You don't have to bend until you break You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up You don't have to change a single thing You don't have to try, try, try, try-i-i You don't have to try, try, try, try-i-i You don't have to try, try, try, try-i-i You don't have to try You don't have to try, try, try, try-i-i You don't have to try, try, try, try-i-i You don't have to try, try, try, try-i-i You don't have to try Yoooou don't have to try Oooooo, oooooo Oooooo, oooooo You don't have to try so hard You don't have to give it all away You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up You don't have to change a single thing You don't have to try, try, try, try-i-i You don't have to try, try, try, try-i-i You don't have to try You don't have to try Take your make up off Let your hair down Take a breath Look into the mirror, at yourself Don't you like you? Cause I like you Category:Fan Fictions Category:Cchen3's Fanfics